Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
