Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
