My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
