I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
