u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
