im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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