remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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