Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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