Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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