then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
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Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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