PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
