A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
