Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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