guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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