i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
