How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Say something about gay babies.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize