I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you will always have a special place in my vag
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just sucked dick on a ferry
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
