Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
