I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
