Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
