so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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