i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We left the knife in your bed.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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