So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
