chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
