shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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