I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
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