Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i think my tv is drunk
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
