Small penises have feelings too.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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