the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
