When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
