You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
