How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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