And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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