i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
