he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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