he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm always down for nudity.
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