can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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