i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize