my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
