it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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