Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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