also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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