Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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