Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
