Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
