my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
