Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
