Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
