Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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