You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
