Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
