All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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