OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
