the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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