so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
