I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
