I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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