we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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