get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
