her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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