i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
