I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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