12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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