I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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