I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
