i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
