I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So vagazzling was a success
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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