So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
