3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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