don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
