i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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